"No Means Yes"

On May 17th an article came out in the New York Times talking about the five year ban of Delta Kappa Epsilon at Yale University.  The article explains that the Fraternity had their pledges chant degrading things towards women last October, along the lines of "No Means Yes" and other ridiculous vulgarities.  The University issued severe penalties on the Fraternity and recommended to Delta Kappa Epsilon's nationals that the chapter be suspended for five years. Nothing has been released as to whether or not their Nationals will do so, but Doug Lanpher, executive director of DKE International thinks that although the actions were out of line the reaction is too excessive as it is, without the five year ban.


The rest of the article can be found: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/18/education/18yale.html

I understand the actions of Yale.  It is important to make a showing of the organization that is supposed to represent so many good things, but instead goes off and makes ridiculous mistakes like this one.  Lanpher already talked about how they will be doing a complete review of their pledge process which I think is important, and although the actions were completely absurd and uncalled for, a review of the pledge process is very necessary, but a five year ban might not be.  If DKE International is able to teach, especially the new members, that that is not what they are all about, a shutting down of the organization may be necessary for a year or two to allow them to rebuild and bring in Men whom will uphold their organizational values.  But a five year ban will cause the organization to completely fall through the cracks, and will prohibit DKE from coming back in full force, with a strong support system.  


The last statement is something I really have an issue with.  The last paragraph of the article is the last impression anyone gets from something they are reading, and something they are most likely to remember the best of all.  The last paragraph of the article reads this

"Presca Ahn, a 2010 graduate who signed the complaint to federal officials, praised the       university for making its actions public. “It’s good to finally see an exception to the impunity with which fraternities harass and intimidate women every year in their initiation rituals,” she said."

The first thing I think when I read that statement, at least as someone in a Fraternity, is that this person is not in Greek Life and more likely than not, has not met many, if any, men in Fraternities.  I know that lots of situations cause people to think that all those stereotypes must be true, but to go out and say what she said shows that she is not even willing to realize that there MANY Men and Women in Greek organizations that do not support the stereotypes and it is important for her, and all others to realize that.  

We as Greeks should hold ourselves to higher standards, sometimes we do, sometimes we don't.  But at the end of the day many people don't give us the chance to show them one way or another.

Of course I do not know her situation, but she also does not know ours.

Don't Just Stand There...DO SOMETHING

The bystander effect, for lack of a better word, sucks.


Regardless of that fact, we all know that it happens to all of us, even though we obviously don't want it too.


For me, the situation is an R.A. thing but the situation is typical nevertheless. I have to be careful though so obviously as to protect anonymity and university laws and obviously stupid junk like that (just kidding it's not stupid).  So one Saturday evening whilst hanging out in the lobby of my residence hall I came across something not that unusual, a drunk student.  This student was wobbly and kind of talking at nothing.  When I asked him if he lived here he said that he's waiting for a friend and then proceeded to sit down. At that point I left, assuming that if anything happened that the O.A.s would call the R.A.s on call.  That was my mistake.  I should have made sure he was not ridiculously plastered and waited for his friend to arrive, to see the condition they were in.


Basically, I felt like a rear. It's my job as a good person and a good R.A. to look out for people like that especially when no one else can.  I think its the responsibility of everyone to look out.  Of course there have been instances when I did, but one mistake overshadows a lifetime of successes.


This easily applies to the Greek Community.  By being a bystander to your Brothers or Sisters you're leaving them to fail, get hurt, or worse...This doesn't have to apply solely to just drinking.  People do dumb stuff all the time, and for those of us who can see how dumb those things are we need to tell them and make sure they know that.  Just by being a bystander this conflicts with our values.  Our values of integrity, of honesty, of being the best we can really be.  We need to show not only non-Greeks but also the rest of the Greek community that it's important that we look out for each other and everyone around us.  


By working to fix our community, we can work to fix other communities and the rest of the world. 

Oath

Everyone's oath is different, but the theme is the same. Honor.  Honoring ourselves and our fraternal organizations.


All of us stood together with our various pledge classes and said an oath.  An oath to remain faithful and honest to our fraternal organization, so that we may represent our organization to the standard that it deserves.


People say the oath, but do we really know what we're saying?  I'll be the first one to admit that when I was initiated I wasn't immediately paying attention to the words I was saying, and it was not until the winter class got initiated that I truly heard those words I had said just so recently.  But why would I go into an oath I wasn't really paying attention too?  Because I know the organization.  I know the Brotherhood, and I know the values we stand for. That is the point of the Pledge Process; to learn those things so that when we do finally say the oath, it is almost redundant because we had since learned the values and ideals of this organization and have already decided that we share these beliefs and ideals and that we want to represent this organization by holding them up.


So then why do we have problems?  Why do we even need to have conversations like the kind we had in class on Tuesday.  Because there are individuals who lose sight of the Oath, or some that just never really acknowledged it in the first place.  I'm not perfect, my Fraternity is not perfect, but I have faith in the people who joined before me, and I have faith in those who will be asked to join us in the future.  But no one is perfect, people lose sight of why they may have joined; people lose sight of the oath.


So why are none of us just kicked out?  We agreed to respect and honor ourselves and our organizations, and if we're not we don't deserve to be in it, right? wrong.  Because there is more to oath, there is more to our Brotherhoods and Sisterhoods.  We all have to look out for each other, we have to make sure that we're all working together to uphold these values.  No person is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but it's harder to make mistakes if you have Brothers or Sisters looking out for you.


Alone we will never be perfect, but together we can be.

Relay For Life

Saturday starting at noon until noon today was Relay For Life.  An event put on by the American Cancer Society where for 24 hours people are constantly walking around a track, and raising money to go to cancer research.


Why do we walk?

HOPE - written out in Luminaries at last night's
 Relay For Life event

The 24 hours of walking are symbolic.  With the beginning being the diagnosis, the start of the journey, because the fight against cancer is exactly that: A journey. It is not a journey that anyone has to take alone.  That is why we walk together, because during everyone's journey there are people around who it is affecting, who are giving support.  There are people who are on the journey with them.
The second part of the walk is after the sun sets, beginning with the luminary ceremony that shows remembrance for all of those who have or had cancer.  The darkness represents the worst parts of the fight; the times when people lose their fight, and when the people closest to them feel they are unable to do anything about it.  These really are the darkest times.  
But the last part is the sunrise. Here we see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel: Hope. We hope for a cure, and that with every passing day and with every dollar donated we are close and closer to finding it.


Why do I walk?
This was my fourth relay, and every time I feel so lucky to never have lost anyone close to me to cancer. But seeing all of those around me, the people crying thinking about their lost loved ones really shows me how truly important this kind of thing is.  There were over a thousand people signed up for Ohio State Relay this year.  If each one raises at least their individual goal of $100 that's over $100,000 to go to cancer research.  That's huge.  Everyone can make a difference, especially in this.


What now?
I now implore all of you that in the future, you donate to organizations like the American Cancer Society, but participate more than just financially.  I ask you all to try and go to events such as Relay For Life and Buckeyethon because they do more than just raise money.  They show survivors and patients that there is a huge support group because everyone can relate, and everyone is willing to help.

Citizenship

Going into this class I would've most likely defined citizenship along the same lines as patriotism, loving your country, and helping your fellow man.  And i guess those things, especially the helping your fellow man stuff, can be included in the definition, but it's more than that.  Citizenship is something that even if you're not patriotic you can do.  It's helping your roommate with homework, helping the community around you, and in a way: helping yourself.

How am I displaying citizenship within my fraternal community?

The answer to this is simple: By being a good brother.  But that's generic.  You want some examples, and frankly, without actions, words mean nothing.  A Brother recently was having an issue with his blood-brother before a T.G. and he was really worried about why his b.b. (blood brother - see what i did there?) had called him to come over so urgently. I volunteered to hang out with him, and drive him if I needed to, to go see his brother.  Luckily, it wasn't a big deal and his b.b. just wanted to figure out what they were going to get their mom for mother's day, but that's the kind of thing that I feel makes anyone be a good Brother.  

How does your chapter display citizenship within the fraternity/sorority community? What does this look like?

AEPi is huge in the whole philanthropic scene. And since we as Brothers have such an interest in philanthropies we realize the importance of other chapter's philanthropies and advocate attendance to their events.  For example when AEPhi does Phi-Trotters we always have multiple teams.  And when Alpha Phi did their bounce house, the chapter bough 50 tickets.  It's acts like these that help support other Fraternities and Sororities in the community.  Another way citizenship is displayed by working together within the fraternity/sorority community and teaming up to work on events.  Even if those events aren't philanthropic, it shows citizenship by being "a good friend" to the other chapters on this campus.

How does the fraternity/sorority community display citizenship within the greater university community.

The fraternity/sorority community is not big percentage wise, but when looking at campus organizations then it's obvious how big of a role Fraternities and Sororities have in the community.  For example, when Undergraduate Student Government elections are happening the total voting population is minimal.  But the percentage of those who vote that are Greek is huge.  In fact, the Greek Community is so powerful in this sense that if the entire Greek Community united under one candidate then that candidate would most likely win.  The Greek community shows up as leaders in organization, as university ambassadors, and are often the people who work for the university while students.  All of these actions display citizenship.  It displays how much the Greek community appreciates the university and its community. 

Some Things Never Change

Of course it's almost 2AM and I'm not asleep, but nothing really new about that. 


I decided to go back and look through pictures, and old facebook messages for the sheer nostalgia of it all.  It's always interesting to look back on the kinds of things we all used to be into, pokemon, boy meets world, the obvious.  It's also interesting to see how those things that inspired us back in the day, whether it's music, people, even your own religion; things you might think you have lost since then, can still inspire you to be the person you once set out to be.


No matter how hard we say we're our own person, we were influenced by everything and everyone around us, and at the end of the day we should accept that and be happy that we have all come as far as we have.


Basically, Remember where you've come from, what you learned growing up, and allow that to help steer you in the direction you want to go.  Whether it's in the opposite direction of what you grow up knowing, or directly into it.